Bea Arthur died! :(
What?
Big bird passed.
Things on my life to do list: hold a pound of marijuana. Check.
i always forget guys have bellybuttons
he fingered my asshole thinking it was my vag...I couldn't bring myself to tell him, mostly from shame for me and pity for him
Imagine if sharks could walk on land...scary.
truck drivers should not leave their trucks unlocked with cigarettes inside when we're drunk and walking around.
currently waiting for her to check in on Facebook, the second she does I'm there. someone is getting laid tonight
I'm not stalking, she is pretty much begging me to come find her if she checks in
He crawled over to me grabbed my boob asked me if I liked cats and then passed out. If that's really my RA, it's gonna be a long year
Saved a life and got us a free vacuum cleaner (and learned vacuum is not spelled "vacumn"). Get on my level.
Well you finally jumped into that tree you've always wanted into and some girl gave you an 8.5. You were very happy.
I feel like im becoming the girl who only drunk texts him. I would be in the dog house, if situations like this had dog houses.
Dude I woke up and he was pissing in the corner on his clothes... I called his name an he replied " I got this" and continued.
I gave him head while despicable me 2 played in the background. I think I disappointed the minions
Yea he was still drunk. He wore a Toga to his job interview.
Stop inviting Kevin over. The dickless wonder started playing some strange Sci-FY music and speaking an alien language and the girls split.
Randomize
