I told him it was like a man's penis, but smaller.
You must have had one hell of a time explaining to that girl why aladin soundtrack was playing on repeat in your room when you got back
I wont be hard to find. Im wearing a darth vader mask and I have a megaphone.
you smelled like vodka, i think that's why my grandma liked you
In the middle of having sex with me, she reminded me that I was supposed to call my mom that morning. My penis has never retracted so quickly.
I kept reassuring him that I was easy like Sunday morning, not easy like "I've had 6 shots of tequila and haven't had sex in three months"
The gay viking and his eqyptian 'queen' hooked up on our couches. They pushed them together to make a bed. Innovative, but awkward to come home from work to at 7 am.
I like to keep a steady black out going for the holidays. I feel it makes me less cynical
People spilled so much that there was a thin film of beer on the floor. You took a running start, screamed, "SLIP AND SLIDE!" and slid face first through the drywall.
It looks like a baby bear tried to chew off my nipples.
This whole having a new phone thing is like starting all over in life with a clean slate! (My old text convos are gone)
New phone new life!
There were containers of weed in the piñata. How much more Colorado does it get
He's literally cuddling with the washer and dryer.
You date? I thought you just hooked up with your TAs
There's even glitter on my cock...
Randomize
