Since she's grinding up on your thigh right now, I'm sending you this text hoping it makes your phone vibrate in her vagina
Draw a picture of yourself puking and peeing on her and give it to her with a note that sys this could be your future if you be my friend
The wedding was scheduled to start 5 min. ago. 20 people here so far, groomsmen in tees and jeans, catering by Costo. NO ONE OUR AGE IS READY FOR MARRIAGE!
Also I got A jello shot for $2!!! It's like the forever 21 of bars
Those motion detector trash cans don't work fast enough to catch puke.
Morning yack off the fire escape. Girl walking by was mortified. Gooooooooo Ducks!!
I want to be you.
I feel like if tampons weren't meant to be microwaved, they'd have a warning on the box, so we should be okay...
You'd love her. She's outspoken like us. And appreciates a big penis and a strong drink.
Halloween is the end of the singles holidays they don't start again until st. Patrick's day we better get wifed up or it's going to be a long winter lol
reason #326 why I'm still single.... my date just told me there's a little boy ghost that lives in his closet because he likes his music.
Someone left a middle school yearbook here. I recognized one kid from banging his mom last year.
I like to be the stable force in your otherwise chaotic existence.
she told him my safe word. I'm gonna casually work it into conversation and at him suggestively to see if he realizes i want to have rough sex with him
i wish i could put you in a lil box, and keep you for when i need to be blown
Me and dad were just reflecting on that time he found a gas mask bong in the backyard.
Randomize
