I did the walk of shame to another booty call
I don't think that should turn me on, but it does
guy picked up a cops taser, thing shot him in the neck, he went down and pissed himself, cop started laughing and hasnt called an ambulance.
When he took off his pants i accidently shouted "that is one small wiener," and thats when he left
you'd think someone with a dick that small would take what he could get
what has two thumbs and is going to bang you boss on monday?
I just reenacted what a cuntadactyl would act like by putting straws in my mouth as teeth and roaring, Plz come get me.
Let me make this really simple. We woke up this morning and fucked three times. When I got up and took a shower she cleaned up the mess from last night and did the dishes. Then we went out and she bought me brunch. I don't give a FUCK how much you don't like her.
You gave me your shirt to use as a napkin every time I spilled beer on myself. Before we went to the bar.
Can you help me get ready before work? I need a look that says I'm-happy-to-help-but-I'm-hungover-so-leave-your-attitude-at-the-door-because-I'm-not-taking-anyone's-shit-today.
You were drinking whiskey from a beer bottle i dont know what you really expected...
Using the money underagers give me to buy this semesters books.. My mom would be so proud
Thank you, BTW, for defiling my bed. Glad it was done well.
There was a woman who drank mouth wash to get drunk during her supposed detox...this is def the internship for me!
Btw I definitely had pizza sauce on my face, a painful hickey on my neck, and I just remember screaming SISTER WIVES because of the girl's 1997 jean skirt! Wow.
It feels like heartburn in my lungs. I'll buy 2 pounds.
he would NOT stop making out with my stomach! creeeeeepy
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