He introduced me to his parents as the girl he made out with on Thursday night...
I'm fucking an ugly guy. Don't come home.
well now I have to
I just pull a splinter from the head of my penis. It was a rough night.
Did you mean to cry when you finished last night? Or were you just that drunk?
Annnnddddd this chick is using a hand puppet made of a sock to give her research presentation...
Also adulthood=replacing meals with bourbon. And not getting your hair caught in a fan.
How was the birthday sex?
Shit got outta hand. Honestly I think even my STDs have STDs.
I put chex mix in your purse for when you get hungry while doing your walk of shame tomorrow!
So in the middle of making out, he decided to give me a breast exam. God I love dating a doctor. He saved me a $20 copay.
ok now I feel liek a very drunk human instead of a chaos being thanks water
Yeah I mean subtle isn't how I'd describe your flirtation strategy last night
One more sleep until playoffs, Canucks are back this year, you bet your ass I'm going to uphold the tradition of being the 90 lb girl that fights every hairy ass Bruins fan at BWW.
Yeeah, I think a threesome is one of those wedding presents you can't register for at Bed Bath And Beyond..
I promise not to pretend to be Jesus and take the wheel. But to my credit you shouldn't be saying that while I'm that drunk and we are in a car.
I had sex with two guys in one day. One on my grandma's couch, one on a golf course. This is the greatest post-surgery accomplishment I could ask for.
Randomize
