It is pretty awful out and I still haven't put on pants yet.
sometimes i wish i could find another girl that loves my dick as much as she does
i feel like she has dreams of it being like a person saying hey lets go play
So you used a whole package of smoked meat last night. Didn't eat it, just took it out and put it all over the fridge.
Sorry girl, my dick is like a rollercoaster. You only get a picture after you ride
She had forties taped to her hands and was trying to give him a hand job while he was passed out, with everyone in the living room.
I'm pretty sure every guy I've been with this weekend has made a solid attempt at getting me pregnant...
It really does creep me out though that the next ten years will involve my friends creating smaller versions of themselves because to be honest I don't know how much I like some of them. So that thought it really scary
I had to dig my own trench to puke in at the resort. That much fun.
I might have pissed in the corner of someone's shed. They have nice lawn mower.
Id prob hit it, but i instagram edited her picture to make her look better. Ha. She should fuck me just for that.
You spent the entire night trying to get me to make out with you
yeah I remember. your boyfriend shouldnt have cheered me on though.
He's standing in the corner rubbing his nipples and reflecting on poor life choices
I just swiped right for a guy on Tinder solely because it looked like he was holding Zoboomafoo
Just got back from a Walmart run. The music went straight from Kid Rock to John Phillip Souza. If that doesn't scream 'MURICA I don't know what will. Happy 4th!
She grabbed a $20 bill out of my hand, calling it a lap dance coupon and then she dragged me into her bedroom. I think I’m in love
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