And mexicans. My burrito likes you.
Just saw a girl trying to crack an egg with her butt cheeks. I think I know what we're doing thursday night.
Hey man, did I leave the bottom drawer to my refrigerator that I had beer in at your house by any chance?
I just used a coupon while buying plan B. The pregnant sales clerk nodded in approval.
There comes a time where you just have to sit back and watch the drunken idiots pee on each other
As a general rule, drunkenness and gymnastics do not mix.
I wonder what acid is like for a blind person... Can we find this out?
Hahaahaah I keep finding little notes you left me on my physics notes... "TOO HIGH FOR BIRDS"
Dude next time u fuck on our counters will u please let me know BEFORE I make lunch.
Just set up my first threesome: a rapper and a Marine. Pretty sure at least 80% of girls in America hate me right now.
I don't care how great the sex was, I cannot unsee what has been seen. I regret ever stalking his Facebook.
Apparently she broke up w/ her bf like 3 weeks ago. She actually called me to be her bday hookup cause she's single now. Patience- the virtue that occasionally pays off.
My mom just asked if I wanted a mimosa when I got out of the bath.
I think everything's gonna be okay.
It was a strange night. I made out with his college roommate and said "do you care?" beforehand.
My sister gave me satin sheets. We can fuck on satin sheets.
Randomize
