I think i ate a live goldfish last night. that i caught with my hand in a kiddie pool. my stomach really hurts.
We were driving to yogurt express by state and these girls mooned is while they passed us and we saw full vag complete with tampon string dangling.
They have edible shot glasses at target.
There really is a God.
You know that hot fire fighter I fucked yesterday? Well him and two other guys are killing the fire on my stove. Awkward.
I just added 'steal mom's xanax' to my to do list for when I go home for Easter.
Is it bad that I just used Smirnoff as mouthwash?
or how I got to mom's but there is vomit on my shoes. I never thought i'd be recapping with her.
Too many people are naked here for this to be normal.
you better take a shot tonight for every cat you have ever seen and wanted. this is a lot of cats.
Oh, that was the alley that I ate a pine cone in.
If someone told me one person in the department was secretly a death eater, I would suspect her, no contest.
The Royals are in the World Series. I've never drank so much in one week in my life.
I was just tongue fucked into oblivion.
Bruh why you gotta judge
You're awake at 3:30 in the morning RSVPing to a musical, I'm well within my means
So there i was right, midnight, washing my junk off in my bathroom sink.
Randomize
