Lol speaking of weird...he just sent me a naked pic of himself that said "meow" at the bottom.
today i did the best job ever shaving. like my vagina is PERFECT. plus i straightened my hair for a good hour. if i don't get ass tonight, i'm killing a baby.
I want a coyote to ride back and forth to the bathroom because walking is getting old
How many times do I have to drunk reject you for our friendship to become awkward? Cause were at 9 as of last night
I'll come out for a little. I can't be visibly hungover at work again or I get written up and fired. And yes, I am aware of how alcoholic that sounds.
Did you get your crutches off the street sign?
Someone took a picture of their balls on my phone last night. BEAUTIFUL PACKAGE. I will find this man.
Its completely acceptable to go naked under my graduation gown right?
Some ppl might frown upon it but theyre prudes
I am never going on a blind date ever again. He drank way too much and kept telling me I had a nice boob. Like.. Singular. What's the other one? The ugly twin?
So, just in case you go to the bathroom in the middle of the night.. Sam is asleep in the first stall.
When he texted me, I got a little wet. Until he asked me to get Jimmy Johns before I got to his house.
I peed my pants walking home last night... I just kept walking.
this vacation is helping with my sexual bucket list so much. threesome, deaf guy, and outdoor sex all accomplished.
Um. I just realized I still have a beer in my purse from last night. I'm at work. I am so classy.
I came twice AND he sent me home with edibles. I think he’s a keeper.
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