Hahaha. I am actually really tight for having a kid. Like really really tight.
i just called corporate taco bell to ask about the life span of a chicken burrito.
Found him. He was passed out on the couch at the new place in a room full of burnt pizza smoke.
He told me about his girlfriends trust issues during our post sex spooning
Somewhere between catching the stove on fire and not being aware of it being on fire while I'm in the living room. I drank too much.
Great I'll forever be branded as gym slut at the new gym.
He slow fucked me. Doggy style. On a porch. You never slow fuck doggy style. Its a law. A LAW.
Im walking to an ob gyn practice session right now. Literally have to get face first in a middleaged vagina in 10 min.
Friend date it is then. Question: Can friends engage in sexual activities after dates?
yes and no. im drunk but idk if im "blow marcus" drunk. call in like an hour.
I mean, as I was vomiting in front of a giant crucifix I became acutely aware of my poor choices
Literally had a conversation with the pizza as to why it was a bad idea to reach in the back seat and grab a slice while driving. The pizza was right, it was safer to just wait until I got home.
Apparently I have decided there are no repercussions for my actions
I'm so sad at the lack of dick in my life I am going to get sauced and make rice krispy treats
I was just seen throwin up on the bookstore building near a trashcan by parents. Naturally I throw a thumbs up and say go college
Randomize
