I woke up and she had breakfast in bed for me
RUN RUN RUN RUN
Sad Moment: I only had enough $ at 711 to buy chips or salsa. I chose salsa and took a plastic spoon
I accidentally asked my mom for a blowjob because 'mom' and 'molly' are next to each other in my address book.
anyone who has a picture of a ferrari with the caption "mAh DreAM caR" is getting denied as my facebook friend.
No you are right. With a nickname like Monster Cock, you shouldn't expect him to want to "just talk". I'd be insulted too
you broke a plate. told her her wedding china was ugly and you were doing her a favor. then proceeded to break every plate you could get your hands on.
You were hugging the toilet and shouting "don't let fatty eat me" through the closed door.
Stole every fake plant from the lobby and placed it in front of you're apartment door, Enjoy!
I went from innocently day drinking to waking up handcuffed in jail. Fuck you game days
No, no... it's pale and surrounded by awkward, curly, red hair. It's the Ronald McDonald of penises.
I think Vodka is my favorite. Everything else ties for second.
I ripped my favorite jeans crossing that fence
That sucks
It's an upgrade! I didn;t even have to unzip my pants to pee!
I'm 22 and I'm drinking hawaiian punch from a sippy cup. Everything is right in the world.
An old Grimace plushie came to life and gave me a pretty knife. I'm never doing acid again.
It was all like "my feathers evolved from scales of a reptile bitches!!" and I was all like "damn this chocolate milk is AWW SOOME!"
Randomize
