You screamed, "I am going to fuck this cheeseburger". They all started laughing until you actually started having sex with the cheeseburger.
I just farted so loud that my cat got so scared he fell off the couch.
so my doctor just swabbed my throat, and he looked up in suprise when i had no gag reflex. yea, he just judged me.
i think i recognize dicks better than faces
curled up in a ball on my bed listening to my "cuddle with a boy" playlist. prettty high.
Tell nick i'm sorry for throwing a block of cheese at him last night
So the guy who is making our IDs is in jail now for attempted murder, with no bail...
So no fakes?
They just showed up to the party with a shopping cart full stolen of naty ice cans, no boxes, just cans. Shit just got real !
Just saw some lesbians get in a fistfight in an Arby's parking lot. It's good to be home.
I fully committed to my astronaut costume, to say the least. blacking out on moonshine and having a moonwalk of shame this morning: happy Halloweekend.
I swear you won't find cereal in your washer machine again.
The problem with having a roommate is that you are forced to answer the age old question "Are you okay?"
i knew my hormones were back to normal when i went to ikea and didn't want to fuck any of the workers
Long fucking story. But hey I got an orgasm and breakfast so I'm winning.
Did you smoke and go to the aquarium again?
Randomize