Dude, no joke... I lost my wedding ring in some skank last night
I just called a phone sex line and you know what I did? I sat there and cried
my mom just told me how she used to love having sex while stoned. wtf.
I'm gonna write a book, Things that go bump in the night: The story of Katelyn. Chapter one, my roommate is a dumb whore.
just used a paint mixing cup as a shot glass. thank u art school.
whatever. as long as im no longer referred to as the girl who fucked the pledge on his big brother's couch.
He's got a southern drawl and a lisp. I'm getting mindfucked right now.
We couldn't find him for like 4 hours. Turns out he was sitting under a tree and had thrown his phone in a lake because he couldn't figure out how to unlock it. Freshmen.
i'm sad. The beetle crawled away. I was only trying to get him stoned.
sometimes after I smoke and the high has gone away...the high will come back like three hours later for a brief yet gripping ride.
that's usually when I end up in someone's house, having sex with someone else, while that someone's roommate makes us mozzarella sticks.
You're such an expert partier. I feel like 22-year-old recent graduates should have to intern with you.
I'm a pro at the other 9-5
So your best guy friend eats your pussy once and a while, no big deal. It's like going to jiffy lube once and a while to let the professionals do it. Your husband should understand .
Either sorry for fondling you Saturday or thank you for letting me fondle you Saturday.
how much of this shit do i need to take before i think its a good idea to set the house on fire and scream satanic mantras?
listen. i haven't sucked a dick in well over three years but i believe in myself.
Randomize
