Just ran into my ex in the WOMENS bathroom. He said I did this to him. Swore he never wore my clothes but said he liked my skirt. I need vodka.
so i had sex last night with my 12th partner, but hes number 1 for my first time using a condom. i think im finally learning.
So Ive been fucking her for the past couple months and i just found our that my grandfather and her grandmother were fuck buddies for a while. I feel like this is a new awesome family tradition that skips a generation.
Sunburnt clitoris. How do I deal with it.
I imagine anything that isn't a dilldo attached to a jackhammer, powered by a generator won't be amazing enough for you
I woke up to her staring at me in a corner moaning over and over again about how good the pie crust tasted
Sex on roller skates
Floating mattress
Tie
When we were done making out, some guy ran into the room yelling, "I'll save you Brandon! I'll save you!"
I found a phone book at the party and started calling everyone with my last name asking if they wanted to form a club. I'm meeting one for brunch tomorrow...
I can't wait til I'm a real grown up and am no longer expected to take 7 shots of raspberry ruby as a pregame to a night of drinking natty lite
So hungover. Have a black eye from where I tried to brush my teeth and stabbed myself in the eye instead. Should make the performance review I was stress drinking about go so much better.
I know it was your bday but bringing a airhorn and blowing it yelling "buy me a fucking shot" in the bartenders face was a little uncalled for
No more chicken and waffles served by drag queens at 2 AM. :(
Was he a virgin!? DID YOU TAKE A GUY'S VIRGINITY ON MY FLOOR!?
that is our friendship pylon, do not lose it
fuck you.
DO NOT LOSE IT
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