i cvme to yuor rooom...wherer are youf?
please be gone before i get back
You just compared our sex life to a seven year old kid.
i just used shampoo as lube. why? because i'm worth it.
This girl has a second refrigerator that she uses JUST for liquor, her kitchen chairs are kegs AND she can grill. I'm not coming back.
considering how much of last night I don't remember and the amount of ones laying on my desk right now, it's safe to say I'm concerned
So apparently the christmas orgy was a complete disaster
Uggh answer your phone, you are the only one I know who'll be proud of what I woke up next to this morning .
It feels like my uterus is trying to crawl out of my ass wearing cleats. And yourself?
Hate you missed the after party, I was covered in dish soap gliding bare assed down a slip n slide at 6:30 this morning
I'm just crazy horny about you
He just showed up with a bottle of wild turkey a half a can of coke and some marshmallows yelling "gobble gobble bitches" my roommates hate my cousin
You know I'm having a rough day when I'm curled up in the corner eating Spaghettios.
Fucked him in his sketchy van in the Applebee's parking lot. In other news, my dry spell is over.
Also you can't just sext a Michelle quote from Full House.
I am witnessing a blind guy whip ass at beer pong
Randomize
