True true and the only thing that will burn more than the vodka we will consume is the shame in our loved one's eyes
And yet we make it a tradition to get inappropriately drunk at family functions. We amaze me.
At least it's not a funeral this time... I feel we're making improvements.
so Mike and I made a deal. we'd do anal if he would help me pick out carpet tomorrow.
What...you let him do that?
It wasnt that bad. the two minutes it took is nothing compared to the 10 hr day I have planned for him tomorrow
Tonight must have been good, I have already had two cups of coffee but still couldn't figure out how to operate a door.
just met our mailman at a party, he asked me out. i said yes, but only if he picks me up in the mail truck. how jealous are you
It took me 40.8 seconds to take a dump at her house, I know because I timed myself.
Theres also beggin' strips and a dog bone in the corner...nooo signs of there being a dog though.
I owe you 20 bucks. My blood work did show liver damage.
my coworker just texted me asking if i remember pissing in the mop bucket at the gas station
Someone posted a printout of my tits on my door this morning! Where did they get this photo!?!
his daughter has his phone and goesss ohhh boobies and shows me a picture of my own tits...
I cried over the lack of milkshakes I've consumed in the last month
After that time I came to the conclusion that jeeps are the best cars to have sex in
So if I run into you on the street, I'm supposed to just stop drop and suck your dick?
Okay, the good news, found Jared, all IDs accounted for, Jack is meeting us at yours with your requested the delivery. The bad news: Lost Alice, banned from Stages, possibly fucked my TA in the bathroom.
we were waffle house and a lady told me her imaginary friend was sitting in the chair next to her. i don't feel so trashy now.
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