It's always exciting to touch a new boob.
You told me to pour the Gatorade on you "like Flashdance"
You blackout rapped the entire DMX song Party Up last night at karaoke without looking at the screen. Then you Tebowed on stage, hugged a black guy, puked in a garbage can, then left. You deserve a medal.
it's graduation. he's gonna get congratulations slash emotional i cant believe youre leaving me sex.
Dude. It's not even nine. I don't know yet.
Drink number four. Don't even tell me about its not even nine
Passing out on a toilet is not classy no matter what you're wearing. Not even a pea coat.
I just realized, I'm going to be on my period for the end of the world. FUCK.
I know that we've never been that tight but I want you to meet my cat before I move.
He's sweet and rough. A wonderful contradiction. He's the starburst of sex.
My mouth feels like it's at the dentist but my body feels like it's at the strip club.
His birthday is on Valentines Day, of course he's getting a blowjob
Never let me go online shopping while drunk. I now own 2 baby cribs. I have no children
How do u explain to your grandma that your relationship status is hooking up with randoms at a bar
Okay, but that still doesn't explain all the glitter in my puke.
Happy 20th birthday! I hope you like anxiety and having your debit card declined at McDonald's!
Randomize
