I wish I could drop acid with the muppets
Remeber, hes got nothing better to offer you than drunk words and hairy balls.
How do I introduce myself to her without coming off as "the guy who jacks-off to her profile pic"?
just snorted lines off a mancala board. I'm destined to win this game.
she uses eco-friendly sex toys. she is the literal definition of a hippie.
Being high is an amazing excuse. I was using him for the potential of a beret, come on. I'd do that sober.
Just say you're the husband at the front desk to get in. She's in room 15 at the ER.
what? who is this?
Just saw 1 guy dressed as a cow and another dressed as a shrimp dancing on the side of the road. We're turning around I NEED to dance with them.
I'm just planning on experiencing Disney as adult style as it gets. Drinking bloody mary's at dawn and telling all the kids waiting in lines how badly their future sucks and that Santa isn't real.
The guy who bit me so hard two nights ago that I had to put Neosporin on my nipple and the guy in my bed right now are two different people. Help
You pulled out a fucking recorder and started playing along with all the songs on your playlist and refused to hit the j
I feel like I would find myself in so much trouble if I hadn't married my DD.
I was too hungover to read the menu. I literally pointed at a picture of an advertisement and handed the cashier my card
she and her cat are both sick as fuck so they just sat there looking at each other with her nose dripping on the cat's. both out of fucks
I made out with a 40 year old and told her we were dating then got kicked out of a gay bar. This is the day I stop drinking.
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