The shirt is mine, the pants are mine, the bra not so much
Then he told me I had the most beautiful looking vulva
Even My mom was ashamed of me bringing her home, she pulled me aside, and told me i can do better than, "butter faces"
I know you don't remember, but the teeth marks on my face say it happened.
In your defense, I really thought capturing that alligator would have been a lot more awesome and a lot less tragic.
RIP Mr Bojangles.
Parents weekend was a success.
Yeah, I guess so if you consider being arrested and having your parents bail you out a success...
Bail could have come out of your pocket so yes, I think we were financially responsible this weekend.
What do you think french fries on pizza would taste like?
i already know. Delicious. Use ranch.
To the person who put the glitter on my ceiling fan...fuck you
Easy Mac and you are the sexiest things in my life
My ex husband is now my side piece. #thisis30
Sometimes a man just deserves to get woken up with a blowjob.
It's a family event: you have to drink. No way around it. Its the law.
Its that time in the evening when I've had a few cocktails and wish you'd make a video about the packers and Jack Daniels.
Cmon. I wasn't that bad.
You stumbled ass first into the litter box, and everytime we tried to get you to move you said " if I fits. I sits."
I think my roomie is silently judging me for spraining my foot by having sex in a bounce house
so the bounce house and tequila was good idea then?
Randomize
