I lost my shoes and bra and was beyond mapquesting
I don't know which is worse: knowing all the free porn websites, or knowing which days they update their free porn.
If they made snuggies with a sleeve for my morning wood, id consider buying one...
I wish my dick could take responsibilities for his own actions
im probably shirtless right now with a bottle of jack watching horton hears a who. this is a judgement free zone.
he woke up with $200 in his pocket and had to buy his cell phone back from a hobo at the bus stop.
I tried to discuss modern art with a cab driver after explaining that I only had one shoe on b/c a pitbull ate the other one. Wtf. Call me when you can.
On the one year anniversary of me loosing my virginity... thousands of people will be taking their pants of on subways all around the world
It's like a tribute to you being a slut
The bar tenders gave me the number for a "taxi"... It's just a dude with a van. In retrospect, pretty sketchy. Robert was cool though.
He sent me a recycled dick pic! He could at least use one without sunlight in it, considering it's 10pm
You have set the bar insurmountably high with apple pie and buttsex.
I feel like my dick pic collection should be archived at the Smithsonian
You're too drunk for my bullshit, and i'm too sober to put up with yours. I have no idea how you expect to find middle ground here.
I let a drunk straight girl spank me with a metal paddle at the bar tonight. Remind me to never do that again.
Hey how're your balls?
Don't ever let me helicopter again.
Randomize
