1. Mark my dj buddy and I spent $1000 on bottles last night
2. We were casually offered narcotics while walking down the street
3. I will still be awake when you start school tmw, cause there's no last call
So if any tells you miami is the same as the rest of america, there are just lying to you
I wish I could tape me & him having sex. Not for pornographic reasons, just for comic relief.
we got back to my place and he started talking about feelings. i politely told him to leave and that he managed to cock block himself.
dude, never let a drunk girl playbite your dick. the doctor came in laughed and left.
over or under 1pm before my bracket is too blurry to read?
We simultaneously blacked out then simultaneously came to then simultaneously had sex with the neighbors. We're definitely meant to be roommates.
I decided they need a food cart that just roams around the library like the cotton candy people at the circus. But with real food. like tacos cause it sounds delicious.
I just think his face would be more attractiveif it was framed by my thighs
So while you were living in this woman's apartment, you acquired a room mate, fucked her daughter, and killed her bunny. Worst sitter ever
I didn't think it was possible but he dislocated his thumb during intercourse last night then cried
Take off your clothes and see if he wants to have sex, that's a good way to find out
I mean, he'll either figure it the fuck out or set my apartment on fire. Either way, it will be entertaining.
OK... But I need to shower first because I'm covered in stuff I definitely shouldn't have slept in
My favorite bra is missing and I smell like beer and bad decisions. This is definitely a sign that hoe mode is activated.
Let's make this a nightly thing. You'll explain the Watergate scandal like you're telling me a bedtime story while I eat popcorn high as fuck
Randomize
