We drank from noon till 5 am, there was adderall and nice jews involved it was just crazy
My vag should have a twitter account. It would be like "destroyed another condom today".
i blame lastnights decisions on friday the 13th
Currently standing on top of my parents leather couch with no pants on playing helicoptor with my penis. You?
It's really awkward/depressing when you are wearing heels larger than his dick
It's not my theme song, it's my blowjob song. There's a difference.
Thanks for pulling me out of the bed by my feet atleast one of us was sober enough to know I had work at 5 am.
They wouldn't let me hang out the sun roof and sing apple bottom jeans in the drive thru of hardee's i think i no longer like these ppl
That's exactly how my pussy feels when I shave it. Like a cross between a naked mole rat and a newborn child. Embrace it.
I am not saying having unprotected sex in my boss' pool was a good idea, I am just saying it wasn't my worst idea of the summer.
Yes ma'am.Im also looking at my collection of penis pictures in my email playing "who;s penis is that"?
WAKE UP!!! We have 20 minutes to get to class. That means we only have 10 minutes to get drunk.
Some older looking guy gave me his card as he exited the train. Hes a pharmaceutical rep. I'm debating asking him for a job. Obv he wants sex but if I can get a job out of this maybe I can offer him more than a cheap dry handjob bc that's all I'm really up for these days
And my coffee table looks like something out of Scarface
I'm actually really happy I can say that my first body shot was out of a gay strippers massively ripped chest
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