between no blow jobs for the rest of his life, or no cheese for the rest of his life, he chose no blowjobs. ive never felt so bad about my bj abilities before
The neighbors are smoking hash and doing Julia Child impressions...again.
Ive been using palmolive to shower with for he last week, dont tell me about not having money. Im heading to the bar r u going.
Everytime I know she spent a lot of time on her hair for one of our dates, I intentionally cum on the top of her head. That's how she knows I pay attention.
We were running down las vegas boulevard at 8:30 am with our beers cause we were late for our flight
Absolutely. I could drink and smoke that memory away in a matter of years at my current rate.
When you text me tomorrow to remind me to mail your parking pass, also remind me to make sure i did NOT pack my vibrator for this family vacation
Turns out the guy I peed on gave me a ride back to my dorm this morning.
You are a god.
How do you leave a condom wrapper under my mom's pillow...
This may not be the best moment to laugh, but I am.
I feel like it went downhill once I decided we should take $100 tequila shots.. oops lol
Currently hot boxing a fort I made on our snow day... This is legendary
$150 and 3 orgasms. Dogsitting is awesome.
I was looking for a pen and I stumbled upon my mom's vibrator. On a related note, yes I will be going out tonight.
Like if Ohio doesn't think I can get smashed on wine I will gladly prove them wrong
Put on my pants to go to work and discovered they had melted.
Randomize
