I'm so excited for this wedding, I feel like a school girl about to get finger launched on the dance floor at the sadie hawkins dance
Iiiiiii almost fall ib the lake
official worst smell ever. a used condom that has gone through the dryer.
She ate the cookie then went to the emergency room. Now her fam is pressing charges. Don't people understand you DON'T steal baked goods from potheads??
It's kind of hard to say bye to you when you fall asleep on the bar..
when I came to get Jamie there was a cop standing outside with her, made me roll down my window to tell me "she's got to go cause she won't keep her shirt buttoned"
You carried me up the stairs after I told you not to. And what did you tell me? "Let me test my strengths."
I just want to lay in a bed of egg mcmuffins and cry
People who don't like drugs and guac are not people I chose to associate with
Why does 2015 have to start with so many regrets?
When you get this divorce finalized we're going to mid evil times AND pirate dining adventure. We're gonna find you a couple of real men and make them joust/swashbuckle for your affection. My treat.
I despise everything about her. Except her tits.
Is it weird that I was turned on when he told me he had a vasectomy?
I knew you two would hit it off
Nice classy night out before we roll our faces off
He's the first boyfriend I wouldn't cheat on. This is a really big deal for me
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