even a "fuck you" would be nice at this point.
Have you ever noticed how boring internet porn is after you cum? I can't shut my computer fast enough.
My grandma put hard boiled eggs on her lasagna. I'm not high enough for this.
thats the coolest thing thats happened to my vagina since i dated that guy from portugal.
I told myself this year would be different, I wouldn't get "pee in a fish tank drunk".. Got to the girls house... Fish tank in her room.. 2 years in a row.. had to keep the tradition going
Remember my theory about how the universe perfectly unfolds to fuck me? Well, it's at work right now
You know its good night when theres makeup smears on the toilet seat
Its hard to hear the music in here over his nasal whistle. And his breath smells like old milk. I think I need more vodka, and he better be buying. You owe me.
we can't get the sharpie off the toilet seat from where you pressed your forearm with THUG LIFE written on it while you puked until 3 last night
i shit in a pringles can and hid it somewhere in your house....happy hunting
i think smoking weed in a ladies bathroom on the beach with two dudes might be the shadiest thing ive done in a while
Attempting to sleep without a bra since i got my nips pierced wish me luck. Also almost sent that to my coworker.
You yelled to anyone that tried to help you "I have a burrito, what else could a girl want?"
You can trust me. I'm unemployed and not wearing pants.
He just seemed to happy to be having sex with me that it ruined the mood for me. I just wanted to punch him.
Randomize
