It was amazing what she could do with her one good arm.
you probably should not have drank the wine that everyone spits out. and the sad part, that was not even your low point last night
I'm just trying to jam my tits into some coconuts and I'll be on my way
he keeps trying to sext me and all I can do is respond with descriptions of what im eating.
Can't tonight. I'm supposed to get drugs for some college kids. Just doin my part in helping to enlight america's future
I don't have any bail money, if that's where this conversation is going
I'll ask around, all of my friends have girlfriends now for the most part though so they're all dead inside
"What's your dick like homie" is not really an acceptable thing to say out loud
I am the worst person to have nipple rings I'm hanging ornaments off of then and sending everyone a tits the season to be jolly
I was going to say that I wasn't sure how that happened... but then I remembered that I bonded with the Australians over vitamins and INXS and they bought me tequila.
Also, there's a guy walking around the kitchen in a shark onzie, and he just asked if we've ever smoked weed with a shark before. I'm dying
Guy from the bar last night left his number on my waterbill on the counter, at the bottom he put don't forget I can hook you up at Little Caesars I work their part time.
You sure know how to pick em.
I had to replace her wine with red vitamin water. So if she’s alive, you can thank me
Are you still in his room?
Nope, yogged home at 8 am with one shoe on.
Mandatory face masks - finally, a solution for lip augmentation failures and bad breath.
Randomize
