saw you had $9 in your checking acct, left $20 on your dresser so you won't be a whore this weekend
I got to see an enormous amount of vagina this morning.
I'm at the psychiatrist, and this lady is crazy.. she keeps yelling about how her HMO insurance gave her breast cancer? Adderall isn't worth this.
what do 4 police cars, 1 ambulence, and 2 fire truycks have in common?.... My driveway
They live so far away from me that not fucking them both would have been financially irresponsible
I'd just like to give a shout out to jesus and plan b for making this day possible.
Nope. If I'm going to drive an hour to fuck a teacher, it will NOT be missionary thats for damn sure.
He told me "it wants a kiss" WHY HAS THIS HAPPENED WITH 2 DIFFERENT PEOPLE.
Are the homeless actually allowed to bathe in fountains located on Main Street in downtown Houston? Can Houston TX be so progressive as to condone public bathing?
We're using joints as your birthday candles
Needless to say, she forgave him, they're back together, and I'm seriously considering having a lesbian year.
THE SUPER HOT BARTENDER WHO LOOKS LIKE RYAN GOSLING JUST WALKED IN. BUT HE DOESNT EVEN WALK HE GLIDES. LIKE AN ANGEL.
I'd give anything to be driving a pirate ship wearing nothing but a coconut bra and a grass skirt eating a pizza and watching dolphins jump in the waves. Dreams ya gotta have dreams
I got all the way to work before I realized there were Trojans in my bra.
she just punched him in the balls in front of everyone and yelled "YOU SEE WHAT YOU MADE ME DO"
Randomize
