I'm wearing a childsize birthday hat and a bib. I am the def of sex appeal rite now
It's like I'm the Little Bo Peep of sheparding dicks.
Only someone with your twisted mind could come up with that simile. Do you sit around and read 'How to turn Beloved Childrens Stories into Sexual Analogies?' This is the 3rd time you've done this.
you called me at 4 in the morning to tell me that your toaster burnt your english muffin, and that you "fuckin hated that thing."
My cardio has turned into running out of the cold from bar to bar.
Can we please not be like these pathetic people in their thirties who only get drunk when they go see Sherrill Crow?
I think being a buddhist has made me a better drunk
and do you remember when you were dressing me if i had money in my bra?
you called me at 4 in the morning and invited me over for pasta and a late night viewing of titanic.
Then, halfway through our conversation, I remembered what you drunkenly told me last night and was all "maintain eye contact, do not look at his massive penis".
Welcome to the club of "Sick of cleaning up actual shit." We meet on the 3rd Sunday of each month. Bring your ceremonial viking helmet.
Sent him a nude and I forgot to crop out the Jesus picture in the background. The Catholic guilt is too real.
Please tell me you did not shit your Disney princess costume.
You tried to run away last night. The neighbors brought you back.you were in their hot tub again. This needs to stop
You literally brought me back to life and then fucked it out of me
Visiting my great uncle went well. The highlight of the evening was when he said, "Oh my god. I'm 79 and I'm teaching 18 year old kids how to roll a joint."
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