peeing in bathroom at penn station and the homeless man next to me is combing his beard with a fork...god I love new york
I am spending my child support on dildos
My cousin's wedding had personal beer funnels for each table and a drinking game against the bride and groom. im sorry for ever calling you white trash
I mixed the ketchup wit the mustard in one bottle to save time making hotdogs
You only like me because I'm a challenge
You already blew me
If you can't do the LSAT hung over. You can't do the LSAT. That's the real practice.
Dude, she told me she wanted to bang my dad. I don't know which is worse, the fact that she wants to or the fact that she told me.
i mean, i stole her boyfriend and beat her snake score on facebook within 48 hours. not her week.
I just listened to "Eye of the Tiger" and did 5 shots to prep going over to see him.
Texas State Troopers call you ma'am even when they arrest you for public nudity and after you've puked on their cruiser. Country boys raised right.
Jk. Anyone who everbeers with me is my type.
On a side note...my DUI lawyer just snapchatted me. This is the exact moment in time when I realized my like IS a joke.
oh my god. picked the worst day ever to not wear underwear...
I'm just gonna stop you right there because there is, in fact, no such thing.
all night she kept rolling over and mumbling something about wanting an extendable retractable urethra.
This is the fifth time tonight that girl has taken off my pants. Take me home. Now.
Randomize
