this morning i woke up with my panties on and i knew where i was. success.
Nothing says "I forgive you for puking on me during sex" like a Facebook add the next morning...
My lecture teach is passed out next to me. I think I'm doing pretty good for a freshman.
I AM OFFERING YOU ALCOHOL AND THE CHANCE TO LET ME SAY FUCK IT TO MY RESPONSIBILITIES. HOW MANY TIMES DOES THIS HAPPEN?!
List 10 things your GF won't do for you, and we can work through that list.
i convinced him to be a french maid for halloween. he has no idea what he's in for. i just ordered the breast forms.
I really wanted to pound but her roomate was making mac n cheese n shit so I was trying to time her moans to the drone of the microwave
we dropped acid in chinatown. worst. idea. ever. too many colors. and nobody has any idea where steve is.
When my beach tent arrives , I strongly suggest quitting our jobs and becoming homeless beach drunks
What a way to start the day. Staring at penis for 3 hours
It's pretty much my favorite thing ever
I don't want to inconvenience you with my dick\n\n
Do you remember me asking for jerk off videos from Tinder guy?
Nah I don't remember that being part of the criteria
Dude, I wish I could live my entire life blacked out.
Do you know how hard it is to have sex on an air matress while there are people sleeping in the same room?!?!?
I just discovered that jello shots are the best hangover cure
You said that last night when you did jello shots at 4am
Randomize
