my night went downhill once I lost my bikershorts. EAWSSSSYY ACCESS
you asked the guy at 7-11 if he remembered when you came in and threw news paper every where... then you did it again
note to self..putting cheap vodka in a bottle of grey goose does not make it taste better
i feel like pocahontas...the disney character not from real chance of love
if by 'bottleservice' you mean 'bringing beers in my purse' then yes, we are.
By the way, she says hi. At least I think she did since she licked my phone
He's covered in dirt and enchiladas. We're going drinking now.
It must be illegal for me to be this drunk in front of this many children
He chipped a tooth on the first beer. You know the night is just going to be a slushy mess after that.
Since I fall down so much at parties I've started doing this new thing where when I fall I just yell FLOOR PARTY and make people bring the party to me
I tried to walk home in my heels. And I fell into a snow bank. And then I cried and a policeman came up to me and said I can't sit in a snowbank and got me a cab. So maybe that's where I left my credit card. I remember the cop asking me if I was old enough to drink, too. OMG. How embarrassing. Pretty sure I told him to "leave me alone."
She's lucky her pussy is worth listening to her ramble about bedroom furniture for 30 minutes
I don't care if it's 2 inches or 20 I mean dick is dick
I looked into this "it's just lunch" matchmaker thing and it was like 5 grand. If I'm gonna spend five grand I'll throw in another three and get new tits and find my own fucking husband.
I'm at the gym. I've taken enough caffeine to feel inspired to be a low budget instagram fitness model. I totally forgot my push up bra though
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