Dude. Fucked her last night. Fucked her this morning. went downstairs for water. took 18 pack of Coors Light instead and took it back to my gf's. Got a blow job from her. Drinking the beer on my deck now. Best Day ever.
well. it's seven AM and i'm too high to hula hoop.
i don't know at this point bringing the fog horn might be a good idea...
The amount of my urine my roommate has consumed after I found out he's been eating my food almost offsets how angry I am
Champagne is a vitamin, right?
For months it was all good and well just having sex. Now, something in me has snapped and I'm dreaming of taking turtleneck Christmas pictures with him. Fuck you, we're going out tonight. I need this.
He unbuckled his belt, tipped his hat at me, then told me to "saddle up"
this is like your 5th cowboy right? where do you keep finding these guys?!!
Dude, she got "I party too much" skinny. She looks like a recovering drug addict.
I woke up to him peeing by our bedroom door. I yelled at him to go to the bathroom and he just kept peeing while he walked there. This is a new low.
He came on my pillow pet. That's unacceptable. I hate boys.
Me: 10% human, 90% poor drunken life choices.
That guy was cool until he tried fighting that dude in the bow tie. I need better wingmen.
Come on, what straight woman, gay man, or bi person HASN'T scrolled through Justin Trudeau pictures after a bad day?
you do realize the next step is naked mud wrestling, right?
We really gotta wear capes to the bar more often...
Randomize
