So apparently I told him I was off to go "whore skipping" and I disappeared into the night skipping down the street. I know this because there's video.
I just mixed tequila and nyquil in front of dad. hes making ambulance jokes but let me tell you its DELICIOUSSS
Would it be cruel if i sold xanax instead of adderall to freshman unfamiliar to the drug-taking profession?
I was cleaning out my bag and I found some xanax wrapped in plastic with a note that said "use in case of emergency"
don't tell me I don't love her. i once slept with my girlfriends therapist, just to find out if she was cheating on me.
On the brightside though, I found the motivation to clean my shower, it was right underneath my need to masturbate in said shower.
you started putting condoms on anything with a point, then you were yelling at the lamp for using your last condom...
she's crying and begging for her chapstick and insisting on walking home...her every thursday ritual
Just got complimented on my chugging... Car bombs show how good I am at swallowing, they should be my new pickup line.
I will never in my life forget you letting the cat lick your tongue
we should look into getting a golf cart for the weekend. i have a feeling legs wont be a sufficient source of transportation.
What is more embarrassing, shitting yourself in Mexico or having sex in a forest preserve with a 19 yr old? This is crucial research.
I need a guy who can see in me what the lesbian community sees in me
You've been inside me, dude. There's no such thing as TMI.
I mean, who hasn’t been fingered in there back of an Uber?
Randomize