Note left in log book: "4:30am a guy was caught masturbating in the bathroom and passed out in his own juices and we had to take the door off the hinges."
You guys are open that late?
YOU CAN RENT MIDGETS ON CRAIGS LIST
I told you not to ruin your birthday surprise!
Hashbrowns don't come out your nose as easily as you would think
i got a blow job in the bathroom during intermission at the hockey game. i'm pretty sure i made Canada proud.
Its Friday night, and I'm sitting at home watching are you smarter then a 5th grader, drinking vodka. I got every single question wrong. Clearly you see where I'm headed in life.
He told everyone he was going inside...an hour later we get a knock on the garage door from some dude telling us a guy is passed out on the lawn and we should get him inside because it's about to rain
But it's a terrible idea. One erection and it's gonna go wrong
I'm gonna go out on a limb and say it had something to do with pool sex.
Why do the people I hook up with still exist after we're done?
New hot neighbor boys moving in across from us...So i did the logical thing and bought two 30 packs up the hill and walked right by em. Consider the line hooked and ready to reel.
I got my nipples pierced. If you haven't seen my boobs in the past week, you're among the minority
Do you know how hard it is to put a bandaid on a vagina?
I re-seduced my fuck buddy...must be the luck of the Irish!
All I did was call him a fucker when he took my pot. He didn't have to arrest me.
My roommate just google searched "cumming blood" using my laptop. Her boyfriend is in her room, she looks scared. Words cannot explain how hilarious this is.
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