i just sat at a stop sign for 10 minutes waiting for it to turn green. i need to STOP SMOKING THIS SHIT.
woke up this morning with "hah" written on my penis.i was like wtf?? morning wood kicked in and found out what it really said, haNNah.then i remembered.
yes, the chronicles of narnia is exactly what happens when you do crack inside of a wardrobe.
I'm surprised you like me... I didn't think I was your type.
Blonde hair and big tits is every guys type.
you are the sluttiest virgin ive ever met
thanks it was an honor just to be nominated
Dude. My sister is off limits. Touch her again and I'll rip off your dick and force feed it to you.
I accept this challenge.
Reason #57 I am going to fail the bar... it's Tuesday and i'm drunk at Toy Story 3.
Need to stop getting stoned with this chick, I keep waking up covered in pizza sauce
Why is there bacon braided in my hair
holy shit i just had sex in a phone booth i so feel young again
lets talk about you, dubstep, and a bunny suit.
Just bailed on her the best way possible. Got tickets to the game. Only issue is.... if we lose, we not only lost, but I skipped sex to watch us lose
Happy anniversary, did you sign and mail in the divorce papers yet?
Omg my brain. Most recent thought: I fucking prayed in the bathroom that the other girl would leave. Prayed to Jesus
You have GOT to stop kicking in his kitchen door. Just wait for him to open it next time.
Randomize
