super hot butfun
Oops. What a difference a comma and a space make.
Whenever ur ready we need breakfast and a psychic.
Weirdest conversation with my dad. He just told me he didn't shave his pubes.
Just saw 3 10-year olds in business suits drinking iced coffees at the cafe. I'm officially a failure if these kids have jobs and I don't.
Let's just be mature adults about last night and never speak of it again.
trust me, there is no more disappointing feeling in the world than waking up at 4 in the morning with a random half naked chick in your bed and then realizing your roommates girlfriend just wandered into the wrong room.
Do you remember calling me a cuntasaurus rex last night?
i know i shouldn't tell you this since i want you to really like me but i just spent the last 4 hours sleeping on the toilet.
i told the cop we knew everyone at the party, it was 250 of our closest friends and she's like funny nobody on the balcony knew whose house this was
Thats why they were on the balcony!
I texted him 3 days ago he said he was pre gaming for the Super Bowl today he just text" gtomajg kaka hee 48!!!"
blue gatorade loses no color upon regurgitation
I have a cat for love and a booty call for sex. What else could I need?
I promised her I would shit on your driveway. There's nothing that you or I can do about it now.
What the fuck dude?
Sorry bro...
YOU HUMPED ME FOR AN HOUR WHILE YELLING "I GOTTA ASSERT DOMINANCE"
Why would I want a relationship when I’m the side dick for my boss and a few women from the gym
Randomize
