Just realized our kids will one day call us old because we were around when texting came about. I'm sad.
Exactly how deep of a burn should you have when you pee before becoming legitimately concerned?
doesn't matter. i just recorded the power rangers theme song on my phone. and its loud. was thinking we could use it as our entrance song as we walk into bars.
Who would have thought the night we were surrounded by 4 cops would be the most responsible night of the week.
Friends bring friends secret work margaritas. my pink water bottle is in the cupboard
I think my vagina is going to steal my keys and drive over there.
Hopefully she would park on my face.
I think I love you, but I may be biased because we had pirate sex.
somehow, even strange, drunk, middle-aged men on the RTA can't understand why he'd choose her over me
maybe it's because you talk to strange, drunk, middle-aged men on the RTA
Do you think making a dress out of an "Open" flag that my friend stole from a bar, and wearing it out sends the wrong message? ....Or exactly the right message?
Because her vagina is one of those illusive black holes that leads to a parallel universe where he is king and the sea is made of beer! That is why they are together!
Whenever I think to myself, "I don't work for a bunch of hours"... It's shot time?
You climbed out your own window and walked in the front door..
Is it possible for mice to climb? If so I think mice are climbing into my bed in the night and playing with my hair..
Why is there a business card for people who need bail bonds in my wallet...
I remember is someone saying "I smell weed" and then having a room full of sober high school kids look at me.
Randomize
