And then she proceeded to fling her bra around while screaming the rocket power theme song, still managing to not fall off the skateboard
it's not a party till someone uses the fire extinguisher.
My mouth holds just enough water for my bong
Ye. Looking like it's about to be one of those mythical responsible weekends
how did my horoscope know i was too hungover to operate a stove.
Liquor doesn't fix sad, but it sure as hell lowers my standards for a rebound.
I have a strong contender for the new number 1 position for fwb. He met me at the door with pizza and a shot of patron
After getting rejected by him, I got a strangely pleasant dick pic from an unknown number with the caption: "I hope this gets you through the night ;)" It's like the Cock-Gods were shining down upon me.
Pregnancy test = positive. Hope you still have our old guess who game 'cause daddy elimination begins now.
He's drunk and I'm pain-killer high and we're about to watch fireworks at disney world. It's gonna be fucking magical
Had to walk of shame past Westminster Abbey this morning. Pretty sure a Japanese tourist took a photo of me.
I don't have any soul left to be crushed.
My mom just asked me if I knew what Buzzfeed was. Then said she's watching the second Magic Mike for the bodies. Please help.
You said "I'm not gonna waste my last condom on you" last night.
Dude. All I know is that I woke up on the floor with two naked chicks who don't speak English.
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