My room should be renamed "Land of the Misfit Condoms."
I just puked in a penis shaped cake pan. I've hit an all new low for a Tuesday.
if he wont fuck me on the stairamster then i dont think theres much XXX shit going down
She spent a lot of time to get her cleavage to look that good. It would be rude not to stare. It shows you are paying attention. Chicks dig that.
I just had a 30 minute fake cell phone conversation with myself just to avoid hooking up with the drunk guy next to me. its like an art form.
How dare she call you insensitive. Should have told her about the time you let that girl in the wheelchair wearing the sombrero blow you.
Is it possible to have pulled a muscle in my neck from passing out with my head in a bucket?
you had acid sex with the barista. why is my bucket list your tuesday?
Hey, the point is, I have 3 guys to fuck to get over the last one. It's my golden rule. You told me to find a hobby! It translated as "find another guy".
That is the opposite way I told you to find a hobby.
Your life is quite full of dick lately.
It really is!
Last time I "ran into him" I ended up with the clap and had to explain why the ladder was missing from the garage.
That moment when you're in a room with 3 guys and know how big their dicks are. Then you are married to the one with the smallest dick.
Yes, ur purse got stole with our condo keys in it but my slut ass saved us and we had a place to stay, AND I got to choke a motherfucker while riding him. Thats taking one for the team.
Like every two minutes he would pull out and whipser "don't you do it, you bastard" while looking at his penis. His new name in my phone is 'penis whisperer'
she has no right to get mad at us for drinking during the wedding. she's the one that chose the bridesmaid dresses with pockets.
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