Dude you have to stop using "I eat good pussy" as a pick up line
Also I feel like 60% of our relationship is based on sausage mcmuffins.
whatever happens this semester dont let me be that girl yacking in the urinal. again.
My phone now knows what I type and it prompts me with frequently used words. And anytime I use "and" and hit the space key two of the words are "unicorn" and "sausage"
i think i swapped my keys for drugs last night
The worst thing about it is now I have to find someone else to fuck in the library.
The cop told you to put your hands behind your back and you slurred "I'm not falling for that again"
This little shit keeps eating the playdoh so i replaced the green with wasabi from work. Wonder what his parents are gonna think when he burns his soft palette?
Just realized I'm going to have to make you sign a non-disclosure agreement before my wedding.
Also, in the middle of me riding him, he said "I want you to dance on my dick" like I was supposed to know what that means
I will keep you posted and someday if we daydrink teach you how to do a footjob
He said it was fake. Like really? Hey baby, I wanna sleep with you, so here's a picture of a fake tiny dick
Shit on my own feet while puking from my hangover. Is this what 33 is supposed to be like?
Someone fucked a stripper in their rental car, there is goddamn glitter everywhere.
She said she hasn't cheated on me in 7 and a half days and she'd like praise for that.
Randomize