what are you wearing?
Just my guilt
I'm still drunk from last night...I walked out for a cigarette with one of the Janitors here and apparently someone took a shit on the stairs...Which makes me wonder...was that me?
Well, if your day started with strippers, then we're tied. Otheriwse, I'm winning.
There comes a time in every girls life when she must use her boobs for good instead of evil.
Your pregnant arnt you
I'm thinking I had intended to send you pics cuz I woke up naked
I tried calming him down but his eyes are rolling to the back of his head and he's yelling "COMA WEED!"
I kept reassuring him that I was easy like Sunday morning, not easy like "I've had 6 shots of tequila and haven't had sex in three months"
We told our cab driver we'd give him 3 grand if he pit maneuvered you guys in your cab.
I just watch that 70s show all day and blaze whenever they do. It's nice being part of the circle
Yeah. I asked if there was a finger in my ass at some point or if I had a weird dream. So far he hasn't responded
There are many penises to be discovered and claimed tonight
We're like Lewis and Clark
You make any dick jokes involving sushi and there WILL be consequences.
Sushi is fucking sacred in this house and I will kill you if you try and taint that.
I was so drunk, he put me to bed and went down stairs to hang out with his friends. Apparently, I was curled up in the closet, spooning the dresser when he came back up.
Yeah come over whenever. Weed gets here at 8.
I'll be there at 7:59.
Also—I just realized that your wedding gift is still on my dining room table. So...as awful as I am for not yet sending it (and I still need your address), at least I didn’t bring my screaming children to potentially the most important day of your life?
Randomize
