but the lizard people decide everything anyway
i have absolutely no control over my now miserable and whore-ish lifestyle.
the entire lecture hall sighed when the prof announced that there will be an exam on 4/20
I drunk wandered into my parents bed and slept between them
The other. Cat spoke to me and left. This shit is laced
The first cat might save me but they are taking out masks
How was the rest of your night?
A little fuzzy and a lot naked.
I've also decided that the true test of whether or not you should marry a girl is if she will willingly blow you while you eat Oreos.
I guess, just don't make it awkward
MY FUCK BUDDY'S MOTHER FRIEND REQUESTED ME! IT'S ALREADY AWKWARD COREY
SURVIVAL MODE. WE CAN DO THIS. Celebratory survived-working-christmas-retail sex to follow
I just want to meet whoever runs the hall cameras
hahahaha I don't. Watch one day i'll be walking along and someone will stop me and say "oh you're that one girl who is out. of. control." But then they'd probably give me a high five.
I just need to stick to one night stands and delete social media
Drunk wound on my leg hast healed and neither has my dignity
It’s like a buffet of marriages! Every option is available to you!
He then used a box cutter I keep in my car to open the plan b. Who says chivalry is dead?
so all I remember is hig-fiving the cop and then sprinting away. considering I'm not in jail, I count that as a win.
Randomize
