M and I are hungry and we are making your pizza in the fridge. But you're having sex and we're not so we dont feel bad.
New rule: no balls on the kitchen counter.
He fucked my earring out of my ear. Of course he's coming over again.
Did you know you could bring s cooler of beer to the nail salon?
he was cradling you in his arms feeding you rum straight from the bottle and you kept sucking his fingers.
i swear, as soon as they invent a cure for herpes, he's mine.
Last thing I remember clearly was, "ok, but if we're are gonna get drunk before class, there's no half-doing this"
I know you're asleep, but I just had a motherfucking epiphany.
In the 2nd smartest move of my day your ringtone for when you call is now the Space Jam theme.
You said you couldn't use your body anymore so you made me push the buttons on your phone while you made alien sound effects
There is a high possibility I will pass out with my hand in a bag of Doritos
I don't think you should say "suck my dick" and then proclaim to be a messiah, of any sort.
How was jagerbomb pong?
It was like communism. Great in theory. Terrible when put into practice
I just found a piece of dried shredded carrot on my bed
Would you laugh at me if I told you I think I burned my nipples?
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