So, I'm about to rent a movie, order pizza, and use my vibrator.... Am I dating myself?
i think i may have caused an international incident at the french embassy, just fyi
hahaha how?
its a long story involving a horse trailer and some shrubbery
you were the other women for BOTH people in the relationship?
On an unrelated side note: I shall now attempt to crawl to the bathroom. Where I will lay motionless on the cold ceramic bathtub with hot water pouring over my shivering body as I desperately try not to vomit. Good day.
Time flies when you're blacked out in a lake
You know where a good place to spend summer is? In your head. High as shit. It doesn't matter where you are.
They put 3 tbs of cinnamon in vodka shots and called it the "cinnamon death challenge"
If you have shit your pants within the past two years, please take a seat.
Honestly I'm not even that excited to see my boyfriend. I'm more excited to see his penis. His penis inside of me.
What part of don't open in front of your kids didn't you understand? Astroglide, magnums, fuzzy handcuffs and a blindfold are going to be hard to explain as friends presents.
I'm eating Swedish fish out of my boobs and watching SOA.. There is no way your Tuesday night will be better than mine.
Have you ever been so drunk you pass out in the cab and everyone goes inside and forgets about you? I have
I always can't wait to see you but when there's also an opportunity to get naked it elevates to an entirely different level
So after we found out he wasnt throwing up blood in was just hawaiian punch and we all failed breathalyzers the cop drove us around like a taxi and brought us back to the apartment
Why would you ask him if you could lick his chest?
He has a very lickable chest
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