His moose knuckle keeps winkin at me
I just got a whiff of tequila through the air conditioner.
we were both as far on opposite edges of my bed as possible this morning. id say work is gonna be a little uncomfortable from now on
the wall and i were having dominance issues.
Mom said you looked used
Do I need to take a photo of my sister's enlarged and disgustingly dark nipples to scare you into protection? DO I?
I just took the soggiest of beer shits and all i have to eat is shredded cheese and more beer. I need an adult.
Apparently hitting a bong with your mouth half numb is hilarious but frustrating!
Just got to Evans to buy weed. His mom showed up unannounced. Now the three of us are chillen. Super.
Well he wouldn't kiss me so I made out with a German girl, took a shot with my boss, and I think I sprained my ankle. It was a quiet Sunday for me.
Fuck you. You were a total asshole last night.
We will get to that, but can anybody tell me whose fucking socks I am wearing?!
She was drunk, dancing on the table. Until the table leg completely broke off and she fell on the ground and broke her front tooth straight off. Worse news is there making her pay for the table
Can I come over and use your shower? My roommate got drunk last night and took my bathroom door off its hinges
Fuck you. All I remember from last night is telling random people that I'm in a "judgement free zone" then I threw up
Would it defeat the purpose of a run if I ran to McDonalds?
Randomize
