lesson #67 learned in college: a three day old margarita, is still a margarita.
so sad. i just ate the last good 'n' plenty out of the bottom of my purse.
i know you like preteen girls so i'm gonna offer you some advice...dump a bucket of glitter on yourself and walk into the sunlight. they will come running.
You now know someone who has just successfully talked his way out of being arrested for breaking into the town library at midnight. Ive been home for too long.
Can't a girl send out a 4 pm booty call anymore
i had them turn on teen mom at the bar so i wouldnt be tempted to go home and make babies with the guy next to me
Walking down the street trying to find the pants I had on last night
It's sitting in bleach right now. You will be the creepiest coolest dude in my book if you made a bracelet from my tooth.
idk wtf was in that bud but I was talking to my dead dog last night bro holy shit
You continued to run around saying "free the nipple" while "taste testing" every liquor on the premises.
Turns out that Irishman put my panties under his pillow afterward. Thanks?
Ha! Just garden hosed my vag and thought of you.
whenever dudes said you had nice tits you'd scream at them "This double push-up bra is full of deceit and lies!"
He woke up and decided to go for a swim in the lake... At about 3am... With his dogs
There's so many drinking games in the Olympics.
you missed out this chick was licking her paddle
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