You can spell. I can kill people with no remorse. We all have our skills.
You know its bad when you're praying for a hangover just so you aren't still drunk at work anymore.
he looked upset that i wasn't completely shaven. i reminded him he had begged. and beggars can't be choosers.
turns out I still hate jay leno...even at 10pm.
i don't remember but I assumed it was bad when I woke up with directions from his house to mine already pulled up on my phone
You know you're hung over when your pose in art class is lying face down on the platform
In order of importance: Where am I? Where's my car? Where are my clothes? Who is this chick in the room?
Anne's couch, the bar, your car, Anne.
WHY DO YOU ALWAYS PUT THE PLUG IN THE SINK BEFORE YOU PUKE IN IT
Great night. I'm in the middle of explaining to her how the stock market works and she just rips my pants off and starts blowing me. Nerdiest blowjob ever.
I tried smoking while wearing a horse mask, it was the worst thing I've ever smelled
I cant go through life without knowing what ginger pubes actually look like
Not entirely sure how I got drunk off 2 mimosas but here I am
I came so hard I went blind for a few seconds.
so I think we need to change lawn care services...the guy woke me up by the pool while I was naked...told me he already picked up all the beer cans for us and gave me his number for the next time we party...
I just bought two 8 Balls of Coke from the chick nurse that stitched my leg together in the ER after my bike accident last summer.
Randomize
