omg, he ripped it...he ripped my vagina...best. night. ever.
and then he said that some chick told him he danced like an epileptic on crystal meth. he then proceeded to demonstrate this statement, which i can testify is 100% accurate.
So we walked by this chick's house and she starts yelling at her boyfriend "STOP HITTING ME WITH YOUR DICK"
my family just sang happy birthday to baby jesus. no ones even drunk yet
just woke up to overhearing her on the phone saying "yeah we fucked last night, that makes 42." should i get tested?
well i fucked her too, so yes.
i have wind burn on my face from my head hanging out the window of the cab vomitting
I'm pretty sure it all started going downhill last night when they suggested I see how much sambuca I could fit in my mouth
I wonder if a fish could survive in vodka
I could
I'm gonna hop on that dick and ride it into the sunset
Visibly drunk girl eating alone at a souplantation just spilled salad all over her body. It was me
He got naked after doing the Ice Water Challenge and it was still enormous. So, yeah, I stayed over.
I mean, I've had her boob in my mouth, but is that romance?
I'm really stressed out right now.
I think you're confusing "stressed" and "sober".
Noooo no no no no. She scares me. She means business. She wore a diaper when we went to the bar.
Upstairs definitely just had sex while I wrote you love poetry. That was a fun experience 🤷🏻♀️
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