How can i ever say i miss u when u wont go away
Ps what kind of horrible ppl are we that we both checked blackberries during sex and neither minded?
her parents were awake and in the next room. i think i deserve a big fucking medal for that orgasm.
Should I tell her she gave me head in the kitchen while I was eating a cupcake or would that hurt her dignity too much?
I've just never had a dinner guest strut in, go directly to my bathroom, vomit.. then come out demanding whiskey and food.
What is the current exchange rate for ramen to jello shots?
I found some video of you on my camera that's like 5 seconds long, where you announce that you should have been a dentist before taking a bong hit.
the bandages come off on Tuesday. we can try out my new breasts then.
WHY THE FUCK IS MY BATH TUB FILLED WITH MUD?!
1. You were drunk 2. You wanted a mud bath\n3. We tried to talk you out of it, but you kept throwing dirt at us
just had to get on my knees to snort an addy off the little sink at the daycare. teacher of the year!
You are the human incarnation of a drinking problem
But forealz I'm gonna need a solid 52 orgasms so hydrate.
After we hooked up he started to cry and called his mom and told her he wanted to marry me
Like either my tits got bigger or I've succumbed to Trumps tiny hand syndrome
It's best not to have your booty call on social media. So if they post stupid shit, you still want to fuck them.
Randomize
