I got chris browned last night
I tried watching the view, i got through 8 minutes. That is probably a world record.
They always sound like a bunch of chickens.
i just threw up in a potted plant at home depot
Nah, lets use your guy, my drug dealer is going all pineapple express on me
Just slept with my boyfriend's roomie to learn if bf was cheating on me
Good plan. When in doubt, sleep about.
I was asking the bouncer, "if I fall will you catch me?" which then turned into "if I jump off the roof will you catch me?" He said no.
All my credit cards need to be pressure washed
I played ping pong,drunk, with my hand instead of the paddle. And i won. I have hidden talents
Girl. There is the cutest old gay here. He's approximately 100 years old and kind as shit.
Come now. I'm bloody but I'll give you the best fuck of your life.
Step 1: Buy a house Step 2: Turn bedroom into sex dungeon
I tried to face swap with Chuck Norris. His face was too powerful... it broke my snap chat.
Do you really want to know anything about the inner machinations of a furry's mind
The squirrels were at the front door. Dude I swear..
Last time i cooked this high i tried to makw bacon amd then burned myselfbon the grill, only to realize 25min latwr when the bacon wouldnt cook that the grill wasn't on. I IMAGINED the burn.
Randomize
