tweet Hawks Win!! tweet
That's how twitter works, right?
Who pooed in my magic bullet?
Sorry the bathroom was being used.
Tis a story best told in person, it involves a golf course, police and vomit
It usually does with you
I swear to god he's a one man village people.
I just had to blow my nose on a mcdonalds receipt in my car. Its time to stop doing coke.
I AM OVULATING LIKE A STEAM ENGINE.
Ever since I told them the story of the sex in the canoe scandal its like I am in season
WHY IS EVERY MAN IN THIS CITY GAY? IS IT SO BAD TO WANT TO BE TREATED LIKE A PIECE OF SHIT BY A REALLY HOT STRAIGHT MAN FOR A NIGHT?
Lightning struck the tree right outside of her window as I came inside her. I think its God's way of saying go by plan b.
Wait, you seriously DON'T keep vodka in your backpack??!??!?
I wrapped my scarf around his head and then made him go down on me
And I also said, "probe me"
You called me at 3 am laughing like an idiot. Apparently you consider breaking out of the hospital to be a lifetime achievement.
Remember when we were coked out at that house and we were trying to meditate in the bathroom? Who's house were we at?
By the way, just opened the browser on my phone for the first time today... And it was it the "images" section of "who invented ass fucking"
So thanks for that
I'm sorry I get my lefts and rights confused because I'm dyslexic. But, it took you at least 15 minutes to figure out it wasn't your room OR YOUR HUSBAND.
Randomize
