the beds are so narrow its like a jenga threesome
thank god random hookups don't end with college. happy birthday, america.
You know the guy who poops at a party and then leaves and you go in, do your business, and come out and there are girls outside that think you pooped and no one talks to you? I'm the guy who poops before you go in, because I'm in a relationship and I hate you.
remind me not buy ky at kmart ever again. Had to get a manager to open the locked case. then he stood there and watched me look through the selection
I hate that ur telling me this.
We did face masks and fucked...he really isn't gay, what they say about europeans is just true
My freaking DENTIST just commented on my hickies. Through the novacaine I managed to mumble 'It was my birthday' and she smiled knowingly.
When she was dating that guy she told me If they broke up, I would receive a call and no matter what I was doing I'd have to go over a fuck her. It's like being an EMT for sex.
I feel like I can hear facebook. What did we smoke?
the bad thing about being great at twerking is that I'm powerless to stop myself from doing it when I'm drunk and in public.
The other day I was really high and I felt like my words were coming out of my mouth in flowers...I don't know.
I'm eating hummus off of my stomach right now.
So by "wait for me" do you think he meant "Don't have sex with random dentists?"
Conference sex doesn't count if the dentist doesn't know your name.
Just come home. We will have sex and Taco Bell. I'm feeling wild, I put on temporary tattoos.
for future reference, singing eye of the tiger outside my door while i am having sex makes me incredibly uncomfortable
apparently not uncomfortable enough for you to stop
We had sex then laid in his bed eating chocolate and drinking juice boxes. I think I'm going to keep him around.
Randomize
