Going to spend my cab money on more shots and just take the ambulance home
you'd think he'd be slightly more humble with a penis that small
You can call me Bill Clinton. I brought 2 good looking Asians home last night.
She fell asleep on the sidewalk and people starting using her as a hurdle
I have now slept with people from more countries than Ive actually visited. Can we make this a game somehow? Like foreign fuck buddy bingo?
Come to me. Jacob is confessing his love and all I want is a hot dog. With chili. Not love.
Let's paint friendship bongs
You remember the guy that busted in waving a tazer at everyone yelling "get the fuck outta my crib"?
yeah you don't forget that shit easily
We ended up crawling out from our hiding spot and playing pool with him once he calmed down. His name is Marcus. I got his email.
My liver is crying. And I feel like I got fingered by Edward Scissorhands. While he was wearing brass knuckles
I clipped one of my extensions in his hair to give him a rat tail. What is my life?
Currently at a fetish club with a set of swings (don't ask). Having flashbacks to the park by my house
My head feels like Jesus is projectile vomiting hammers on it
Showed up 15 minutes late and curtsied when I entered the door if that puts perspective to how my first day is going
I never said it was inaccurate, I said I hate you.
The taste of regret at 8am, yup that taste is Jack Daniel's
Randomize
