We went out. i got lost. dunno where they were. they slept in the car. i slept in an outdoor shower. i dont know anything else.
No, this time she was diabetic. I think I fucked her into diabetic shock.
By round 4 of the Dead End shots, I thought my jaw was dislocated ... Best invention EVER.
btw im making up a story about these stitches..... i think a hockey stick to the face sounds better then i fell up the stairs
he ate me out on his front porch at dawn. i orgasmed when the sun began to rise. most romantic morning booty call ever.
You would be too ashamed to ever love me again if you saw the filth I just created. It brings unspeakable dishonor to the nacho dynasty. Like I raped the king's daughter, cut off her hands and made him eat them that's how hard I fucked up nachos.
You cant come. You're a Colorado native who drinks Bud over Coors. Fucking homegrown terrorist.
Definitely just realized I wore a shirt that says "building leaders for Christ" to a hookup. Roll tide.
This snow needs to melt so I can get wasted on someones front lawn
I cried at the bar for 30 minutes because I got my arm stuck in my sweater. I got free drinks for the rest of the night after the bartender helped me.
I gave him head during Pitch Perfect 2, I felt like the Bella's were cheering me on with their back up tunes
Your boyfriend being in jail is really helping my social life! #GotASingleDrinkingBuddyAgain
He’s 21. The president of his frat. I’m 28 and have a career!
Do it. It’s a noble position.
just saw a kid waiting at the door of the stairs for the elevator. there is no elevator in this building. get on his level.
True college students do jello shots in the library
Randomize
