Is it necrophilia if we're both dead?
Finally jerked of with a banana peel.
im sorry, I just can't fuck a guy who can't receive picture messages
It's so cute when the exchange student uses "blowjob" as a verb.
Lost gin update. Blackout me found and re-hid the bottle. Left a note to myself saying, "GOOD LUCK, SUCKER!"
Haha, you kept saying the cop was going to give you a ride home b/c "that's his job, it's summer."
YOU LET ME GO HOME WITH CREEPY RON JEREMY?!?
...and?
I hate when you're right.
A little sexual choking never killed anyone. And if it did, they died happy.
I chugged that bitch with a dip in.
You somehow managed to be a man whilst drinking a Mike's Hard. I commend you.
Your loyalty to the Redskins reminds me how no matter how much I disappoint you, you will still always be rooting for me.
Don't worry, I'm taking the best gay radar in the World, my sister's boobs. All guy who is not looking at them, it's fair play for us.
I have a sixth sense for large penises and lack of morals
Why do pants feel so unnatural once you enter your own house
Despite how often it occurs, I have absolutely no interest in having sex with myself
I dont understand why i cant be a wizard
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