If I could pick any std, I would pick genital herpes. Seriously. Have you seen the commercials? The lady is riding a fucking bike, swimming, and on a date. I have a perfectly fine vag and all I do is go to the library.
Whats a good hint for stop bitching im gonna give you head
Almost just got kicked out of a bar because the locals spilled beer everywhere when we taught them to shotgun.
Plus I'm on the toilet and I can only describe it as if someone had kicked the cap off of a fire hydrant.
Instead of getting a taxi some gay black guy drove us home. He is trying to break into the taxi business
Way to promote small business.
At least one of us had a weekend full of money and dick
So shaving my butt whilst humming "be prepared" is now in my top five weirdest Friday night activities.
My moral compass cannot be waived by two measly bloody Mary's
Don't send me nudes asking me to come fuck you on lunch break then send me a video of kids you're babysitting.
Basically one minute I'm sucking on her nipples and then 45 mins later we're at work and she's my boss.
I'm sorry you're hurting. Would a picture or my erect penis help?
With my son watching me, I pulled down my pants and shit in her trash can.
I have a bottle of rum in my pocket...what does that say about me...
You come prepared
i'm in a very strange mood rn i'm listening to bruno mars??? am i ok????
No instead we fucked in the elevator.. it was wrong on so many levels..
How tall was the building? Maybe it was only wrong on some of them
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