I just know... :) goodntight
Whoops, meant "goodnight", but the other is true too.
I just saw a homeless man dressed as a pirate. I love san francisco.
Any day that starts with a call from my ex-bf... crying... is a good day.
He had an itunes playlist named "def not Glee season 1" which contained all of Glee season 1
Just saw a teacher from our school with his wife... Now i really know how little teachers get paid.
I never appreciated sexting until I went to rehab
We ate our feelings. Then drank our feelings. I feel feminism delivered.
Braid them armpits, sister.
You slid down the wall and got into the fetal position. He was definitely judging... I was judging....
I just took what could be the most awkward shit in my life, which considering my definition of awkward and my experiences shitting, is pretty fucking awkward.
...
I was sitting there doing my business and the guy in the stall next to me banged on the stall and asked me how to spell picnic because he wasn't sure.
She really has to stop the coke at some point. Won't she run out of money eventually?
Won't she run out of nose eventually?
Pretty sure the cop told you that you were the first person he pulled over for being drunk on a tractor. So there's that.
You were crying hysterically
So that's why my heels were in the oven...
You sending me our unborn, unfertilized babies' names is not what I envisioned when you said you'd "drunk text me later".
He eats ass but won’t hold open doors. My kinda guy.
Chivalry really is dead.
I think my liver just tried to kill me, we need to slow down
Randomize
