It was like a mary poppins bag, except a sexual mary poppins bag.
You know its bad when you're praying for a hangover just so you aren't still drunk at work anymore.
You coming out tonight? We gotta hang out before I move to Madison. BTW I'm moving to Madison.
What did I eat last night that was bloody?
The theme is smores and alcohol. Dress appropriately.
she passed out facedown in my lap while I was playing piano. 11 years of piano lessons finally paid for themselves.
I'm laying outside on my patio attempting to get sun with a puke bucket next to me... This is dedication to the tan my friend
I also have a full keg. I'm thinking about crashing a party, they can't get mad if I bring a keg of beer.
It's not quite a landing strip... It's more like a soul patch for my vagina.
Step 1: chug a red bull vodka with no ice Step 2: chase that with a shot of wild turkey Step 3: chase that with a shot of tequila
Step 4: your drunk
HOW DID ALL OF US MISS THE OBVIOUS: I'LL SHAKE YOUR SPEARE
Well then she has to know whoever you were kissing was in overalls because that's not a detail you just leave out.
I walked in on him pumping himself up by headbanging to the drumbeat from Jumanji.
Are there rules against fucking your ex's dealer?
Don't be weirded out, but my bondage straps are made of my ex boyfriend's curtains
Randomize
