I think my grandma died before she was convinced I was straight
you left your dildo in my car
rules of finders keepers apply
My professor is talking about sperm and all I can think about is my mouth
I don't know if you realize how depressing it is to get your card denied....when you're only spending $4.
There are walks of shame and then there are walks of what the hell is wrong with you.
As long as you're not dating white guys again.
Yea...coming from the girl who didn't understand why m&ms and tequila wasn't a "suitable diet"
I can't help but feel like we would be friends still if my phone didn't always capitalize BUTTLOAD...
I'm not sure... But I think I just found a porno I starred in during my black out week of '08.
Definitely just threw up in a mcds cup going through Wendy's drive thru. I'm way to hungover to go to work today
Like not to be gross, he was eating me out while I was smoking a bowl. It was like a rap video
My dog misses eating marshmallows out of your butt when you're passed out. That bordered on sex abuse, now that I think about it. My bad.
He said his name was Tony, after last night I will refer to him as Tiny
You know that if they offer you a bagel they are determined to sleep with you, right?
I wish i didn't black out tuesday so i could have cherished our moment together
Throwing up together is NOT a cherishable moment...
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