I may or may not have just irish jigged at a bar. And broken out in a sweat from it. Not a good sign for that marathon yo.
...So a 6 ft tall drag queen in heels I would kill for just told me I have a dunkable ass. I'm confused...but I'll take any compliment I can.
Also, I once came to the conclusion after this one boy, that her pleasure condoms are a college boys version of flowers
I've got 15 minutes to eat dinner and drink a 40. Four years of college has all been training for this moment.
I feel like he knows I had a dream about him eating me out in the janitors closet at the holiday party. He's giving me THAT look.
Definately laid on the floor of the shower this morning drinking the water as it fell on me.
Just saw my bank statement. It literally goes liquor store pizza place liquor store pizza place bar bar bar liquor store pizza place 711 for snacks withdrawl for drugs rinse and repeat
she fucked me tho cuz it was her cat's birthday. As soon as we were done she just says "ahhh tequila tuesdays"
He said he had a problem he needed to take care of before we got omelets and then showed me his erection.
you called me at 4 in the morning and invited me over for pasta and a late night viewing of titanic.
YOU'RE FORCING ME TO BLOW A GUY BY NOT ANSWERING MY CALLS
Dude, you stalking his LINKEDIN profile will NOT affect your chances with him. We aren't 40...
I'm chasing my vodka with snickers.
We figured you were on something when you said that your nipples couldn't hear the music.
You had blacked out Skype sex? Wow we live in the future
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