New drinking game: drink every time the guy whose room we are in is creepy
enjoy the hospital
dude i'm inner monologue high
Hey Operation Dumbo Drop... FYI, when you select your date this evening, our doorway is 3'x7'
Nah the bridesmaids all had dates. I slept with the next best thing: girl who WANTED to be a bridesmaid but didnt make the cut.
hey, you wanna get together over coffee or something?
is this code for 'i just got broke up with and i need a sympathy dicking'?
how did you know?
God only knows how I ended up there doing crown royal shots to the titanic and insighting a bar wide shit fest when I asked the dj to play levels
Remember that night I drank a bunch of vodka, pounded your Jameson because 'you were a pussy', punched you in the face and ran off as fast as my high heels could go? It was just my Russian and Irish sides fighting for genetic dominance
I wish there was an emoji to express our Eskimo Brothership
i formally give you permission to eat me when i pass out
His brother just asked him in all seriousness if it would be cool if they became eskimo brother brothers.
oh man that would be weird.. i feel like we should do dirty things before anything super intimate like a massage.
tell your brother to quit sending me his dick pics what am i going to do with them print them out and shove them up my ass???
Congrats you've received dick pics from an Olympic silver medalist
Whose panties are you wearing on your head and why are you sending me pics of it?
But I put cranberries and apples in my wine so it's festive drinking not suicidal drinking
Randomize
