grinding to god bless the USA? really?
shut up
And i quote: "where's y'alls from comin' in with them accents?" - from a mississipi mcdonalds
besides im still about 80% sure that im eskimo brothers with jerry springer
If this week is any indication of my life here I've got to get out ASAP. My liver can't hack it.
Oh by the way, john gave me your shirt to return to you when I was at work today. I almost gave him his girlfriends underwear to return to her but figured it would be inappropriate.
Ur dog was like a damn middle school chaperone this morning trying to lay between us after what he saw us do last night
He bought you footie pajamas. Shit's pretty serious.
You know.... I ordered the nipple clamps when I was drunk. But on further consideration, THANKS DRUNK ME I LIKE WHATS HAPPENING
I rubbed his back while he puked for an hour and then ended up getting laid when I tried to put him to bed, best puke and rally I've ever seen.
He wants me to tell you "my boner misses you"
Quote from doctor, "that is a VERY angry vagina".
I'm fucked.
YOU HAVE TO STOP TELLING BARTENDERS WE DON'T HAVE MORAL STANDARDS
How many times do I have to tell you I'm not bisexual.
.....unless there is alcohol involved
Chicks dig it when you smell like bong water and frebreeze.
Party bus got out of hand. Some guy pissed himself. Later, he couldn't find his house keys, so he kicked the back door in.
Randomize
