Shit chicky whatchu wearin rt now, ur skins?
Oh dear, kinda... in ur sweats!
U look good, r we getting naked in ur car?
yeah. you were just sitting there watching transformers, caressing your toaster.
I hate it when I can only see straight when I close one eye. I feel like that deserts the purpose of seeing with two eyes
I was sleeping on the bathroom floor and thought a wet towel might keep me warm.
Eating a muffin with a knife and fork. Hangovers have hit a new low.
I vaguely remember trying to exfoliate my face with your leg hair. Sorry about that.
shes taking the breakup well, i walked in on her naked passed out wearing a turban with a bag of peanut butter choc chips in hand at 5 in the afternoon.
Being the only woman in a triathlon group - it's a penis paradise.
Hope you had your fill for the summer my friend, because all the cleavage has been put away for the winter. Fear not; it blooms again in May.
I think that's the first time Navy dress blues and a Ninja Turtles onesie have been involved in the same makeout.
Haha its fine we ask know it. He's still cool thought
Focus on the keyboard man. Focusssss
He has an accent when he types. I can *hear* the schnitzel. Especially when he's drunk.
My mom just called hysterical. She and her sister found my dead grandma's vibrator.
The apple don't fall far from that tree.
did you just send me my own nude
This is the fifth time tonight that girl has taken off my pants. Take me home. Now.
Randomize
