Men with bald spots should not have mohawks. Just in case you didn't know.
It's not normal to lose a tooth eating a McDouble.
I feel the need to clarify that I did not show her my vagina.
He just asked me if I'd be interested in couples therapy. Fuck my life.
Ugh did we play golf last night and did you by chance hit my head with a club or a ball?
you kept saying "i will not *breathe* regret this *breathe* in the morning *breathe* i just gotta remember *breathe* to BREATHE"
I'm in a corner eating carrots and drinking champagne. I've hit a new kind of low.
How is that low? I love carrots.
for some reason leaving your socks onmakes it less meaningful.
I have poison ivy and a broken finger. Don't have a threesome in the woods.
I fucked him while wearing his hat. I love the navy
He was so energetic. It was like screwing a bunny.
Pretty sure I got pink eye from the strip club. There is also still beer cans rattling around in my shower.
well apparently i sat in the bathroom staring in the toliet at my vomit. it was blue. how was your night?
Just passed a girl holding a jar filled with what appeared to be diarrhea
All I have in my purse is 10 cents and a plastic ducky.\nI can't explain last night.
Randomize
