And you kept hanging up and calling back because you thought I wasn't greeting you properly.
im gonna put my furry chinchilla vagina on her mother effing nose
Moms kinda upset I threw up in grandmas bedroom. I think ill stay in tonight.
I just threw up in a patch of wild flowers on the side of the road. I never knew rock bottom was so beautiful.
I was at that stage of drunk where it seemed appropriate to just make out with everyone. As like a greeting.
I hear you
Going to jail was so much more fun than I thought it would be. I feel like I walked away with more than just a bomb-ass mugshot, I feel like I made some life long friends.
Celebratory bar crawl?
It looks like I colored my belly button red at some point
My aunt left me alone with the instructions to "get waisted" by the time she returns. I love drunk aunt.
Please put me on a plane and hypontize me into forgetting the little bit of last night that I do remember.
WHY IS SHE PANDERING YOU, A SIMPLE GOBLIN, TINY WEENER PICTURES OVER STATE LINES
I looked into this "it's just lunch" matchmaker thing and it was like 5 grand. If I'm gonna spend five grand I'll throw in another three and get new tits and find my own fucking husband.
I had a rough night. I'm just gonna lay here and masturbate for a while before I have to go adult.
Well drunk me was looking out for sober me again, hid the beer and bought another case for me
so in 24 hours i have gotten caught having sex in my car by a cop, almost burnt off my vag, almost got hit by a semi, and got fired. awesome.
Next time I say "i forgot to eat dinner, oh well" before drinking STRAP ME TO A CHAIR AND FORCE FEED ME BEFORE ALLOWING ME TO CONSUME BOOZE
Randomize
