two more shots til everyone in this club gets to see my cesarean scars.
Puked on a Tom Jones impersonator on the strip
He has been begging me for a Bj but doesnt want to get mono
How is he gunna get mono? is he gunna suck on his dick after you?
I miss the days when all my weekends consisted of were 69 and crunchwraps
This could be one of the worst things i've done... The background of her phone is her and her boyfriend.
he has a knack for choosing the worst time to masturbate
NO YOU'RE NOT. I don't want to hear that SHIT. Jameson appreciation day part 1 is saturday and YOU WILL BE READY.
Before I left he insisted on serenading me with a ukalele. I might be a little bit in love
My new best friend is the drag queen who works at mcdonalds and doesnt judge me during my walk of shame coffee break
Is she still in your room?
Not for long. My plan is to smoke her out like a small woodland creature.
Wow i don't think I've had to send this many texts apologizing for my behavior since high school...
easter 2014 is on 4/20 THIS IS NOT A DRILL YOUR FAMILY WILL EXPECT YOU TO BE HOME AND SOBER I REPEAT THIS IS NOT A DRILL
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score one for mom.
I always knew I would be boring and die in an Uber.
Want to have dinner and we can talk about how my vagina can make you feel better?
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