Just remembered I told my boss that matt used to make me toss his salad like every time we hooked up. Nice
we need to find that guy that whips out his cock at the bar again
Dear vodka that I hid in a water bottle in the backseat of Blairs car, I'm sorry that she gave you away to a man on side of the road with an over heated engine. I'm sure the car doesn't appreciate you as much as I would have.
I just need you there to slap my dick when im flirting with her
Do you remember that blonde girl he brought home from the bar on Friday night? She didn't leave until Monday afternoon. We didn't even know she was still in his room...what a sketchy weekend.
hungover and i feel like a burrito
like eating one or like you are one?
like i am one.
The cops said we could pay $250 or spend the night in jail and get 2 free meals. I might pee in mail-boxes more often
I honestly don't know if ill make it through the next two hours. The hangover is strong with this one.
All you have to do is speak. Your voice reverberates strait to my vagina.
How is it that I've hooked up with not one but two guys in the children's section of a bookstore tonight?
Nothing says casual like stairwell bjs
Turns out floaties are a great thing after a couple bottles of vodka
She deliberately backed into the homewrecker's whoremobile and yelled ""FOR SPARTA!"
You drunkenly said something along the lines of "move forever" to the lady standing in your way. Needless to say you had too many mimosas at breakfast.
Currently googling hangover cures, which looks a lot like working from the perspective of my boss.
Randomize
