So are we goin out tonight?
Dude, we woke up in your car in some parking lot last night...
And that was fun, wasn't it?
so he was shitfaced and kept using sticky notes to label everything like "beer spill" and "going to fuck later"
Just convinced airport security that im sober. All i do is win.
i mean, some people chug beer and some people chug hard liquor. some people have good ideas and some people have bad ideas. it's all about perspective.
the cops were hovering over him then shinned a flashlight to the floor above ours, then I realized that some fucker jumped from the third story.
fuck our hall.
Fuck that. I'm not afraid to die. I'll prove you can survive on a bagel bites and rum diet.
Then you shook your fists at the sky and explained to us that losing a sneeze is like losing an orgasm
It felt like Party Santa dropped by and gave us two more 18-packs.
Mostly i might never get belligerent again because im gonna have to keep track of a diamond ring.
Now I can't say for certain but I'm 90 percent are I bathed myself with dog shampoo last night
I just got a free round of shots. Don't you DARE fuckin tell me that A-cup boobs can't get you good things.
Is it a problem if I'm trying to condition Goodbye Horses to trigger an erection?
There's no triumph quite like finally banging your high school boyfriend 6 years later
I can't tell if my need for dick is more than my want to strangle him
ONE DAY CAN WE PLEASE HAVE SECRET SEX. PREFERABLY IN AN ANCIENT PYRAMID BUT I'M NOT OPPOSED TO A 4 STAR HOTEL
Randomize
