My penis looks like a roll of pennies
Oh. Ok. I get the hint.
Like a roll of pennies where the paper got wet & then dried all wrinkly and weird...
I wish my cat could text because i would tell him that everything will be ok. and i wish he could send them back..but him have no thumbs. him no know what he would text with.
she looks like someone took a bunch of spare parts and glued them all on one face. it's quite horrifying.
Dude I'm telling you, conditioner is the best for jerking it in the shower. It feels great and afterwards everything is all smooth
we lost you for like an hour and then found you at some dive bar trying to teach dance lessons
Dude I'm drinking a martini out of a water bottle, I've become my parents.
Guess who is high enough to buy Jingle All The Way?
Isn't that the only thing she's good at? Complaining and blow jobs?
I have to have sex with him again. I feel like I need to train him so no other girl experiences that bad of sex.
For her birthday she wants to, " try something different with our butts a funnel and a bottle of whiskey"
Pissed along side the highway while waving at all the traffic... if thats not a sign of a productive night to come then idk what is
Hey remember that spam cooked in dr pepper we made? 10x better when the dr pepper is rum
Heard you had a bad day. I have vodka, chocolate and my dick here ready to put a smile back on your face.
Pandora was on point with the sex music tonight
I said I hate kids.This dude said he will sell his children to go on a date with me.
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