lady crackhead wearing pjs and a santa hat brushed the snow off my car at 7am saying "free of charge" the whole time
If I send you a picture of the guy passed out in the bath tub, will u be able to identify him?
It just gets louder and louder too...dear god. Her poor vagina.
Happiness for him is a different happiness than you can supply cuz you have life standards, morals and goals that dont include the bar or beer everynight.
Just heard the girl at the bar cuss her bf out and order a long island ice tea. Going to give it 5 min then I'm going in. See you on the other side.
I hate cuddling. I also hate when people breathe. Which he did, a lot. So he can go to hell.
They should really start adding the average cost of day drinking to our cost analysis sheets. Does FAFSA cover this? No. It doesn't.
She was a little hefty, so I turned on the strobe light in our room. Everything looks better with a strobe light.
She showed up in lingerie and a turtle backpack full of bacardi. I think its love.
Are you feeling okay?
Right now, not a single thing feels even slightly okay. That hungover.
I just spent 3 hours in the back of an unmarked police cruiser. Best. Date. Ever.
He will forever be known as the toe sucker who may or may not have been a father
You know darned well I have a well-documented weakness for redheads, Subway and hand-drawn graphic novels.
just hooked up with a guy ON MY CAMPUS VISIT. god only knows whats gonna happen when im actually a student
PROBABLY?!! And here I was, about to buy you a glow-in-the-dark banana-flavored cock ring... Now I "probably" won't.
Randomize
