I got a call from 999 999 9999. I didn't answer it because I was too busy freaking out about the number.
It was probably Jesus.
I feel like he would have left a message.
Hard to imagine a reason apart from blow jobs that I'm awake at 530 am.
Free beer happened. I got hammered and aaron did his first keg stand. Then went all martha stewart on redecorating the bathroom. I remember being at walmart
What theme did he decide on for the bathroom?
Well as you know martha loves the northeast this time of year. I believe the theme was 'coney island' decorrated with hot dogs and macaroni
I just remember telling jokes while vomitting
the beat of "birthday sex" is shockingly similar to my dry heaving rhythm. it's making me nauseous all over again.
and she was grinding on the wall, purring at guys she liked at the pregame...
if there weren't so many witnesses I 100% wouldve punted that squirrel
could you clean the juice and feathers off my bed I'm just not up for hangover cleaning.
Also, I found out tonight a major plus for being female is you can accidentally call the hot bartender sweet tits and she won't get mad.
We fucked in my trunk while on the clock....what did you do at work today?
I'm sorry I peed on the bushes at your law firm. Is there anyway you could defend me for the ticket I'm about to get?
He's wearing my bra and eating a breadstick while jumping on our bed.....
I just want some dick and chicken fingers please advise
I behisseth at your soul from the deepest darkest depths of the earth
Currently rolling a blunt in the bathroom of Planned Parenthood
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