FYI..good luck when you get back from work.. mom and dad know about the boy you brought home last night
haha good one..how did you even know?
we all know. he obviously didn't leave when you might have told him to.. he came down when we were eating because he coud smell mom's cooking. the dude ate with us and offered to say grace. so yeah, good luck.
You tried to convince her that if she gave you head she'd hear the ocean.....
Drunk lesbians having an argument about their realationship isn't as hot as I imagined.....
Packing up everything in the dorm. Silly bands to unused condom ratio is ridiculous.
matt and i tucked you in... you REFUSED to move your head from under the bed.
Yes. Yes. Double yes. I'll bring the tits. You bring the frosting.
Now I'm at the gym and I never want to leave. It's a combo of adderall and endorphins and I don't want it to go away
dude this night sums up my single life. naked, crying, and covered in honey. i need to get laid.
He left in the middle of the night, he left his shoes behind and stole my doc martens..size 6 female. Wtf?
DO YOU REALIZE HOW AWESOME MY GRANDMA WOULD BE IF SHE GOT HIGH
My booty call is in the theater watching Deadpool right now. Never though comics would work against me.
The smoothie place is closed, but the liquor store is open and wine is kinda like a smoothie.
You want further proof that God hates me? Okay. We're on the way to the ER. A homeless man stabbed me at the gas station.
U NO SLUT. YOUR HEART IS JUST FREE.
Dude I just woke up naked on the floor with my dick in a boot. Legit in a fucking boot. I also have no idea where I am.
Randomize
