you told everyone your name was brenda and you had the whole party chanting b-dawgg by the end of the night. successful.
Is it bad that your cum tickles when I swallow it?
I don't call you at 3 in the morning to start a fucking relationship.
Last night she showed me how to clean my bowl and now she's drunk making peanut butter filled cookies. Best. Roommate. Ever.
We followed the campus tour around in a golf cart drinking PBR and blasting "Sexual Healing."
Housekeeping just called to see if we were okay bc they came in the room earlier and we didn't move.
Boxed wine mondays was one of our finer ideas
On 3 separate occasions, she grabbed my bullhorn to announce to the entire party she had fucked me.
I just want to hug my vagina but I can't!\nLike, I want to wrap my arms around it and say "I'm sorry"
I attempted to stand up and was quickly reminded by gravity that I am the universe's bitch right now
And after peeing my pants waiting outside for him, i proceeded to drop down and roll in the nearest puddle to pretend like i just ate shit when he arrived
You left me with 12 red bulls and a bottle of vodka. What did you expect?
Campus scavenger hunt! and by scavenger hunt I mean all the pharmacies are sold out of Plan B.
Guy peeing and puking at the same time in the women's restroom? So impressed that I can't be offended
I guess I called her at 2am, demanding that she bring us food. She told us to order pizza, and I yelled "DON'T MENTION PIZZA!" I recall nothing.
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